I Didn't Know I Was Missing Out

When my children were small and my mom would make trips out of town, we would make it an “outing” to take her to the airport and send her off.  We would watch her airplane leave and mosey around the airport a little and head home.  Then 9/11 happened and security tightened up so we started dropping her off at the curb.  She eventually decided that she liked taking the shuttle, she enjoyed the ride in the bus and felt like she was well taken care of and really I think she felt she was making life easier on me.  I appreciated that as our family size increased and life got busier.

Now that my mother is becoming more fragile at the age of 85, traveling isn’t quite as easy for her.  She hasn’t made her long treks back to MI for her family reunions in the past couple of years.  Recently she decided she wanted to travel south to see my sister and we got her set up to fly to California.  The more I thought about her taking the shuttle and getting airport assistance to get to her plane, the more I felt it was time to watch over my dear mother and personally make sure she safely got to her destination.  I decided to take her to the airport myself for the first time in a long time, and when I got to the airport the fella at the luggage check in counter offered to give me a pass to take her to the gate.  I hadn’t sent someone off at the gates since before 9/11… that’s over twelve years ago.

Something my mom and I have in common is that we really prefer to get to the airport with lots and lots of time to spare.  For me it’s just part of the traveling experience that I enjoy, to spend time in an airport and for her it helps her to feel calm without needing to hurry.  And go along smoothly it did.  We got her boarding pass quickly and went through security with ease.  It was such a blessing to see the TSA agents’ kindness and gentleness towards my mom as they processed her through.  From there we stopped at Starbucks for a morning coffee, found a salad to share at a restaurant, took a bathroom break and then, before we knew it, it was time to line up for boarding.  I could have left her once we were there, but I felt a desire to sit with her and visit with her.  Soon they came to get her, pushed her wheelchair onto the jetway and she disappeared onto her plane.  I stayed for a little while and then casually walked back to the parking garage to my car.

I was a little caught off guard with a feeling I hadn’t really anticipated when I decided to spend the time seeing my mom off.  It was a familiar old feeling, that feeling one has when an enjoyable visit is over and your loved one is going away.  That feeling one has when we know we are going to miss someone.  I suddenly became aware that I had been missing out on that feeling for the past many years that my mom had been taking the shuttle.  There was no time of visiting, no sending her off and encouraging her to enjoy her visit away with other family, there was no memories in the making between her and I.  When she took the shuttle I was doing whatever it was that I was doing and I didn’t realize I was missing out on being present to my mom leaving town, and experiencing the emotions that come with a clear and concise realization as she boarded the airplane that she would be missed.

That was three weeks ago.  Today as I was getting ready to pick her up, and this time taking my daughter with my to help collect up Grandma and her luggage, I was reflecting on that familiar old feeling that I had been missing out on.  I was thinking that, yes, it really is a bit of a sacrifice to drive 40+ minutes (depending on traffic), to find parking, to go through getting a pass and going through security and all that would follow, and that yes, THIS is what “life” really is about.  This is what “love” is about.  There was no sacrifice in my mom taking the shuttle, and there was no “life experience to reflect back on” in it either, there was no relationship in it.  I was grateful for having this experience to reflect on. 

In addition, I was thinking about how my daughter and I were going to have a new memory together today as we left early together, just the two of us to make a few stops, to maneuver through the airport together (after getting lost twice driving there – don’t ask!), and having lunch together.   I was also thinking about what a blessing it is for us to be creating this memory of helping Grandma together as a team.  An additional blessing for my mom is that we dropped her off at my niece’s home to have dinner with them and then go home from there.  Lots of family time for my mom. 

As I have been writing this out, I was thinking how this trip has provided my mom with a more relational experience and memory of getting to and from the airport as an added blessing to the memories she and our family in California made together.  I hope she has several more trips in her to take.  Though her traveling is slowing down, as long as she is eager to travel I hope to be in a position where I can make the sacrifice and create memories and continue to experience that old feeling of realizing how much I will miss my mom while she is away.

All I Ever Needed to Know About Bugs, I Learned from My Son

My son will be eleven years old on Sunday and he just got his first job yesterday delivering papers a couple times a month for a local publication.  This has been an answer to a desire within him to work and earn money. 

His first day on the job took much longer than we anticipated as he spent much time stopping and looking at various bugs and pondering things about them. I am so grateful for his sake, that we have developed a more home base way of life that enables me to feel relaxed and able to let him explore his world and not be focused on rushing about life. 

For much of his life he has enjoyed bugs, looking at them and examining them and reading about them.  He has read many books from the library about bugs and I have bought him a couple of books too.  I remember last year, coming across an insect book at one of the local state parks and asking D if he would like me to buy it for him.  He carefully looked through the book and decided he didn’t need me to buy it for him because it didn’t offer him very much new information.  It amazes me, the information he carries around in his head and is able to share with me about bugs.   He often tells me interesting facts about different bugs.   It made me think about how much I have learned about bugs from my son.  I am so glad that we all can learn many things from each other.

Routines and Flying

This morning as I was waking up, my thoughts went toward my day and what needs to be our focus.  Yesterday I was in general “off track” and what I need to do today to get back “on track” with our routine.  The early part of our week got switched up a bit with a short road trip out of our little area and family visiting.  As I was thinking about this week’s activities and how our routine got broken up and modified, I began to think about how a routine is like flying an airplane.  It brought me back to the days, before kids, when my husband was building flight hours and I would accompany him, and be his co-pilot.

This was a flight we made from California to Oregon August 1991

We always filed a flight plan and when we got into the air our time was filled with many checks and balances to keep us going in the direction of that flight plan until we arrived at our destination.  We both were scanning for and identifying other aircraft in the air and my husband would regularly be checking his altitude and our direction.  I have only handled the gear for an airplane once and for a short period.  It surprised me how much work it was to keep the elevation level and to keep us on track, there is much correcting of the yoke done during a flight.  Pilots make it look really easy to stay on track and keep the flight smooth, especially as they gain more experience. 

I was drawn to how developing a routine can be like flying an airplane.  I have never really had a good routine throughout my life, but I have lived with schedules according to what was going on in my life (i.e. school/work).  This played a part in why I was drawn to the schoolish system and programs, to provide a schedule to be accountable to.  I had never learned of the difference between a schedule and routine as Marilyn Howshall explains it in her book, Develop A Lifestyle Routine.  Moving away from the schoolish programs and systems has been challenging for me in developing a good steady routine and I am glad for the help from the Develop a Lifestyle of Routine book that has given me some basis as I evaluate our specific family dynamics and our life situations as they come up.  I notice I have really great weeks and I have weeks where things get thrown off, and I don’t get flustered over it like I had in the past.  I use to see myself get off course and think of it as failure, and rather than correct and adjust, I kept going in a downward spiral… feeling defeated…  That was not the thing to do.  I have learned that the thing to do is to stop all the critical self-talk, self-condemnation, all the blame, all the self-pity I use to be trapped in.  The thing to do is to check my course and see what course corrections need to be made and then make efforts toward that. 

Sometimes a wise pilot realizes that the destination needs to be modified due to unforeseen circumstances and does so.  For example, last weekend my husband was flying home with a group and their schedule got waylaid which required a change of plans.  The pilot flying the airplane was not yet certified to fly at night with passengers and the plan needed to be changed.  They started in Canada and determined they could make it to Bellingham by dark (an hour and half north of home) and made arrangements with  me to pick up the passengers so the pilot could fly the airplane home.  Just like this situation, we may have plans and life happens (a move, a baby, a medical emergency, job loss in the family, etc.) and we need to readjust our destination as well.  It’s nothing to feel defeated in, but it’s something to make adjustments in and keep moving forward in.

This is the airplane that my husband was flying home in from Canada.

Photo credit:  Sereina Charise Photography

This week we had an activity that took us out of our little area for part of a day which changed around our routine, we switched our grocery day, and I have a relative in town that is adding the need to be flexible with how our days look so we can switch things up.  I got off track a little bit yesterday and today I am ready to make that course correction.

Giving and Receiving Gifts (Part 3 of 3)

Learning to Live (Series)

Lately the Lord has been opening my eyes to my reality.  He has kindly and lovingly been showing me the areas in my life that have been void of correction and instruction of His ways, void of experiencing His love in the general activities of learning how to live.  This has included revelations that go back through my childhood up through my present relationships with my husband and children.  He is redeeming these voids a few at a time, here and there, showing me what is and has been missing and following up with what needs to be exchanged or filled in.  I have been lost and pretending to live, but thankfully the Lord has prepared me for this season of learning from Him, personally, how to live.

***

In Giving and Receiving Gifts – Part 1 I shared that the Lord has been showing how preparation and sacrifice are valuable character elements of giving gifts.  In Giving andReceiving Gifts – Part 2  I shared that the Lord has been showing me how presentation and heart-felt sentiment are valuable charcter elements of giving gifts.  Here I continue with more that the Lord has been showing me, but about receiving gifts.

Receiving

Receiving a gift that has been given with such love as described in the past two posts ought to stir up a grateful heart for favor towards us which leads to an expression of thankfulness for the favor toward us.

It seems to me that receiving a gift involves a two elements. 

One part being that the gift exudes a feeling of “being known,” which is evidenced through the thought and preparation that noticeably went into the gift given.  When we feel “known” we feel loved and valuable, which draws us to have a grateful heart.

 (My daughter crocheted my son an Angry Bird 
knowing he likes to play Angry Birds in his free time)

Another part seems to include an attitude of having our eyes open and looking for the blessings, a willing and eager heart to “receive” blessing.  For example, if the gift was handmade, gratefulness includes noticing and paying attention to the details of the work done and receiving the love directed toward us with thankful expressions.  Being grateful seems to have an element of taking our eyes off of ourselves and directing thoughts of appreciation toward the one who gave so freely and sacrificially.

This makes me think of the Lord and how He gave us the gift of salvation so freely and sacrificially.  Do we have our eyes on Him, noticing the preparation, the sacrifice, the great details of the love He wants to pour out on us?  Do we have a grateful heart in all the details of life and are we expressing thankful sentiment toward Him?  He is the example of lovingly preparing and pouring Himself into the gift of salvation and continues to prepare our permanent home in Heaven.  My desire is to have a grateful heart in all things.

Summary

As I have worked through this series of posts, it all seems so very elementary, yet my understanding was so void and empty for lack of training in the ways of Love, in the ways of Christ.  In turn for these past years, I raised my children with an equally void understanding of Christ and how seemingly every day activities can model His love, but rather gave them experiences filled with empty flesh related ideas.   My heart is so grateful that His love is so good and so gently and never too late, that we have been given this opportunity to bring new loving ideas into our home that reflect Christ’s love.

Giving and Receiving Gifts (Part 2 of 3)

Learning to Live (Series)

Lately the Lord has been opening my eyes to my reality.  He has kindly and lovingly been showing me the areas in my life that have been void of correction and instruction of His ways, void of experiencing His love in the general activities of learning how to live.  This has included revelations that go back through my childhood up through my present relationships with my husband and children.  He is redeeming these voids a few at a time, here and there, showing me what is and has been missing and following up with what needs to be exchanged or filled in.  I have been lost and pretending to live, but thankfully the Lord has prepared me for this season of learning from Him, personally, how to live.

***

In Giving and Receiving Gifts – Part 1 I shared that the Lord has been showing how preparation and sacrifice are valuable character elements of giving gifts.  Here I continue with more that the Lord has been showing me.

Presentation the Final Step

Presentation is the final step in the process of preparing a gift to give.  Beautiful wrapping or packaging includes thoughtful, loving, sacrificial preparation, sometimes as much thought and preparation as the gift.  In addition to the wrapping or gift bag, the card provides an important final touch.  In many ways, it is the heart of the gift as what is written in the card can share a deep loving sentiment toward the receiver.  The words printed in the card may say just the right thing, but it’s the added personal words of affection and sentiment written by the giver that can deeply touch the heart of the receiver.

The wrapping and card use to be an afterthought for me that I often would scramble to put together at the last minute.  I remember thinking about the expense this added to the gift I was giving.  It would be just torn up and discarded, I questioned if it was necessary or appreciated.  My thought process was justification for self concern when it ought to have been on blessing the receiver.  The gift wrapping and card is that final touch that says you are valuable to me, you matter to me and you are worth every effort toward making this gift pleasing and special to you.   

One of the gift bags and cards my oldest daughter made

The Lord regularly teaches me through my children.  The Lord used my oldest daughter as an example to me, as she often makes or decoratively personalizes the gift bag and/or card for gifts she gives.  There have been times that she has taken several days beforehand creating and preparing her gift bag or card.  When the Lord was bringing understanding to me He reminded me of her and the precious time and effort she put into preparing and creating gifts and/or gift bags and cards.

Heart Felt Sentiment:

The final touch and I think the most important part of a gift is the written sentiment in a card toward the receiver.  A heart-felt sentiment is more than a birthday wish, but is a expression of what this person means to our heart and what a blessing they are and may include our hopes and prayers for them.  The card is the written expression of our love for the receiver.

Giving gifts in this way takes our eyes off of ourselves and focuses our eyes on blessing the recipient.  Giving gifts in this way is loving in a sacrificial Christ-like way and it is one of many ways that example Christ’s loves for us.  In John 15:12 Jesus tells us to “love like He loves” us.

This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. 

~John 15:12

Giving and Receiving Gifts (Part 1 of 3)

 Learning to Live (Series)

The Lord has been opening my eyes to my reality.  He has kindly and lovingly been showing me the areas in my life that have been void of correction and instruction of His ways, void of experiencing His love in the general activities of learning how to live.  This has included revelations that go back through my childhood up through my present relationships with my husband and children.  He is redeeming these voids a few at a time, here and there, showing me what is and has been missing and following up with what needs to be exchanged or filled in.  I have been lost and pretending to live, but thankfully the Lord has prepared me for this season of learning from Him, personally, how to live.

***

(Gifts my oldest daughter made for a friend)

One of my daughters and I were talking about her sister’s birthday as we were preparing to celebrate it.  She told me that she is beginning to enjoy giving gifts more than ever before.  She is growing and maturing in character.  This led to her and I discussing how “learning to give and receive gifts” can give us insight about the Gospel of Christ.

Due to religious ideas and family dynamics, gift giving is an area that was void in my upbringing.  My experience with celebrating holidays and birthdays, with giving and receiving gifts came from experiences outside my family life.  My interpretation was developed through watching others either from a distance or on T.V.  I am so grateful that the Lord is replacing my wrong interpretation with revelations about how His love is intertwined in every aspect of life.

Giving

Recently the Lord has been revealing Himself to me through a process of teaching me how to teach my children the deeper values surrounding giving and receiving gifts.

Giving in the Flesh Revealed:  As I think back over my life, I remember times of giving gifts with the idea that I wanted the receiver to enjoy what they received, but there more to that motivation, there was an added level of self-centeredness in the process of picking out a gift.  Would the receiver like the gift “I” gave them?  Did it seem like “I” spent enough money or took the cheap route (always being on a budget)?  Did the gift “I” was giving them seem creative or just right?  Is “my” presentation of the gift pretty enough?  Does the card “I” picked out impart the right impression?  Did “I” write the right thing in the card.   I remember a time when what to write in the card could sometimes be burdensome, particularly when giving group gifts, wondering if other people would read what “I” wrote and think it was dumb or lacking.  Oh, how focused on myself I have been.

When I began to be ministered to through the Lifestyle of Learning™ ministry, I remember hearing about the value of giving meaningful gifts that included meaningful and sentimental messages written on the cards.  I had never heard anyone in church ministry talk about this before.  I thought it was a wonderful idea, it was something I wanted to do and at a deeper level I knew it was beyond me to be able to do as I could barely comprehend what it would look like in real life.  That was a few years ago.  I am grateful that the Lord knows the right season to bring new understanding, and am grateful for what He has been showing me in this area.

Giving reveals a Christ-like Love : 

Preparation

The Lord has been showing me that preparation is the beginning to gift giving.  God is the ultimate model of preparing.  The Old Testament shows us how He prepared to bring us the gift of Christ.  The New Testament tells us of how He is preparing a place for us in Heaven.  To prepare is to take necessary previous measures.  In order to take necessary previous measures to bless someone with a gift we would want to put thought into what we know about the receiver and what brings them joy, keeping our eyes on them rather than on our self.

Sacrifice:

Sacrifice is a needed element of giving gifts.  Sacrifice is the surrender made or occurred to oblige another.  We may sacrifice… or surrender our time, putting aside time with the specific purpose to prepare for the gift thoughtfully considering the receiver and what they enjoy, what would bless them.  We may then sacrifice money we have earned to buy a gift or supplies to make a gift.  Making a gift often requires sacrifice of both money for supplies and setting aside time to create the gift. 

When we make a gift there is often another ingredient that is added to the preparing and sacrifice of pouring out of our “heart” and praying for the receiver while we are creating the gift.  There really is a pouring out of love that accompanies a homemade, handmade gift.

We are not always able to make gifts, but it is something that I have been coming to see the real life value.  It has been becoming more important in my mind for my children and I to develop skills for the purpose of blessing others.  This is one, of many ways, we can teach our children to serve others.